Don't Go to Bed Mad

Day 4: Don't Wait to Do it Big!

Today’s Easy Relationship Task: Create a path toward a more intimate, trusting, and satisfying relationship by committing to consistency.

By Dr. Roz

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Day 1: Serenity for Perpetual Problems
Day 2: Courage to Change What You Can
Day 3: The Power of the Positive Perspective

Today’s Easy Relationship Task: Create a path toward a more intimate, trusting, and satisfying relationship by committing to consistency.

How to love on this task:

  • Use today’s fondness exercise to reflect on good times.
  • Read the concept of Small Things Often
  • Learn how to implement the Small Things tools.

Listen Now- Don't Go to Bed Mad Challenge: (Day Four) Don't Wait to do it BIG!

Welcome to Day Four! 

By now, you’ve been able to determine whether your relationship has the positive or negative perspective. If you’ve been stuck in a negative fog, let’s talk about 3 ways to shift to more positivity in your daily interactions. 

First, here’s today’s Fondness exercise.

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Give me my flowers while I yet live so that I can see the beauty they bring.
Reverend James Cleveland & the Cleveland Singers
Gospel Singers

Just as you shouldn’t wait until their funeral to show someone how much they meant to you (obviously they can’t see it now), neither should you wait until your relationship is on the verge of divorce to do something. 

Today’s lesson: Don’t wait. The best time to create a positive, long-lasting relationship is right now.

Something that comes up all the time when I’m just getting started working with couples is this question: How would you say your relationship is different from when you first got married or committed to each other?

Lots of people talk about their losses here.  “We used to take vacations 2-3 times a year to the most romantic places.”

Or, “we always went on a date night once a month to our special spot, but there’s always something else going on that gets in the way.”

They’ve stopped doing the things that once gave them pleasure.

Now, they’re waiting….


to do something really fun.


something really special.


something really Big.

And at the right moment.  She says, “Maybe at the end of the month, we can get a babysitter.”

He says, “when we pay down some bills, we can go on a romantic getaway”.

Unfortunately, all that waiting can end in feeling depleted, empty, and nearly done–sometimes, looking at greener grasses.

Is this you?

Couples who do small, thoughtful things often and repair conflict when it arises, will create a path toward a more intimate, trusting, and satisfying relationship.
John Gottman
The Gottman Institute

Big Doesn’t Make it Better

You don’t have to wait for the right moment to do it BIG because it doesn’t take something BIG to make your relationship better. All you need to do is start with small consistent changes. Doing small, thoughtful things often will build momentum and create dramatic, positive effects over time.

Small Things Often is the Gottman motto. It’s about being intentional with the little things that we know power couples practice as part of their intimacy routine. These are tools you can practice each and every week. Some tools are recommended at least once a week, while others are so simple that you can do them every day.  Today, I’ll share three small things that you can do today.

Action Step: Admire & Appreciate

Express Yo’Self! (Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah.)

Keeping the love going is about action and expression. You can’t just think positive thoughts and not say them out loud! Let em’ know with frequent expressions of affection and appreciation on a daily basis.

Share something you like about your partner’s personality with an actual incident that illustrates this characteristic. (Ex. What did your partner do this week that was thoughtful? Dependable? Compassionate? Funny? Loyal?)

Give Praise

Catch your partner doing something “right” and say thanks for it.

Do Strategic, Random Stuff

  • Send an email, call, or text during the day to let your partner know that you’re thinking about him (or her).
  • Stick a love note in your partner’s car or purse.

🗣️friends don't let their friends go to bed mad.